The school semester of fall 2019/2020 is about to end and all I can say is that it has been a whirlwind of emotions. This is my sophomore year of college and to be very frank I have no direction with my life. Over the summer I had this grand idea of switching majors due to my unhappiness with working towards nursing. I indulge in my impulsive behavior, dropped all my classes and decided to switch to Communication Technology. At first I was ecstatic to see what this new endeavor in my life would bring but as the months went by I began to lose all motivation. Seeing that I wouldn’t have my families support, the burning light I once had for entering into the CT world began to fizzle. With the addition of my many depressive episodes throughout these months I was not in the right state of mind. I began skipping class because of my lack of motivation although I was still getting the coursework done. I was doing it not because I was passionate but because I needed to get a good grade. Now granted many other majors follow that concept. You go to class, study as much as you can in order to get a good grade. Yes there are many students who have passion for what they’re majoring in but for the majority it’s survival of the fittest. Those with the highest grades succeed while those who can’t, sit in the back burner.
By the end of November I came to the realization that CT was not for me. Yes I’m very creative and I have lots of ideas to express but I also had to have a self reflection on whether or not this is something I wanted to do as a career. I was also scared that no one would understand or I would essentially be judged for my creativity in terms of what I write. This added on to my lack of motivation due to this fear I had within myself This is the first time in all my years of schooling that I was being graded for being creative. I’ve been given a platform to use to express my ideas yet I was holding myself back. That’s why I decided to create my segment “The Venting Hour” where I would express myself towards many of my life situations. I came to the realization that there are many individuals that are able to relate to what I’m going through. Being in college with no familiar support is hard and to top it all off with not knowing what will become of my life in terms of choosing a major, graduating on time. and trying to determine what my career will be once I graduate. Apart of me wants to stay in CT to get to know my more creative side but deep down I know this is not something I see myself doing long term. When I think about it I may even continue it as a minor instead of a my major which would be more ideal for me